Full-Metal Scottish

Mackie's of Scotland Haggis & Cracked Black Pepper

There are some things I'm going to buy even if I think they might be terrible, and haggis-flavored potato chips (... sorry, crisps ...) are right there at the top of the list.

I should admit here that I've never actually had haggis. That's not from unwillingness on my part as much as because the US government doesn't allow haggis to be sold here. There are some canned things labelled as haggis you can buy but from what I understand they don't contain all the ... stuff ... that is normally used. Someday maybe I'll go to Scotland and have the real thing.

An aside here, do you see the text on the package saying "naturally grown potatoes"?  It kind of bothers me. As opposed to what?  Unnaturally grown potatoes?  Supernaturally grown?  I suppose they want to imply "All Natural" ingredients and organic food and such without tripping over any legally restricted words, but still ...

I opened the package and was greeted with the scent of bacon, along with something that made me think of oatmeal cookies. I guess that makes sense given they're a normal ingredient in haggis.

Another aside, I've now typed the word "haggis" too many times and it's started to lose all meaning. Is "haggis" really a word? I keep looking back up to the photo and it's still there and I'm spelling it the same way. Incidentally, my spell checker isn't bothered at all by "haggis".  Haggis.  Dear God, I've broken my brain.

Anyway, the chips had a moderate amount of flavor powder, ranging from beige to black.

They also had an odd texture to them, kind of like puffed chips, or maybe styrofoam packing material (oh, sure, spellchecker!  "styrofoam" is not allowed but "haggis" is just fine). Just what did they do to these chips to get that texture? Whatever it was it pretty much took out the whole "natural" angle.

As far as flavor goes the chips had a smoky, roast beef taste. There was also a bit of "burned" flavor and the kind of spiciness I associate with freshly cracked black pepper. I think these would be kind of good if it weren't for the whole styrofoam texture thing.

Rating: 2/5

Mmmm ... Pie!

7-Select Pumpkin Pie

While driving home from visiting the family for Thanksgiving, I made a stop for gas and caffeine. Of course I had to look over the chip selection and - lo and behold - these chips were patiently waiting for me.

I'll admit that I hesitated. I was pretty sure they were going to be sweet and my experience with sweet chips hasn't been all that good. In the end thought I just couldn't resist the oddness and holiday theme. Take heart, potato chip manufacturers - no matter how strange the flavor you have at least one guaranteed sale with me.

I waited to open the chips until I got home just so I could give them my undivided attention. Good readers, I tell you this so you'll understand my dedication to you. I will deny my own curiosity just to make sure you get a quality review. Ok, there was also the minor issue that I couldn't get the bag open. The thing wouldn't open up with the standard techniques and there wasn't even a version of Kettle Brand's patented Evil-Bag-Ruining-Notch™.

No matter. The next day I used a pair of scissors and had the chips with lunch.

The bag opened and puffed out a strong scent of pumpkin pie spice. There was even a touch of pie crust to the smell, which was kind of impressive. Either the scent faded after a few moments or my nose became desensitized. It still wasn't an unpleasant experience.

The chips themselves had a light coating of brown powder.

And the taste? First of all, these things were sweet. They were not quite up to the level of caramel corn, but they were still too sweet to be eating for lunch with a turkey sandwich. I suppose that's proper given that pumpkin pie is a dessert rather than a side dish. That being said, I didn't stop eating them. The chips really did taste like pumpkin pie - not just pumpkin pie spice but the actual pie, complete with pumpkin and piecrust.

About halfway through the bag I noticed spatterings of ... pumpkin? ... on the inside of the bag, which I'd seen before with the ketchup chips.

Maybe it has to do with the moisture level of some flavorings. I'll really have to keep an eye out for it in other chips.

On the whole, I really liked these chips. Cindy said they were interesting and sort of ok, but she only ate one ... but then she doesn't like sweet barbecue flavors much.

Rating: 4/5

Sub-lime?

Stax 青柠味 Lime Flavor

I found these Chinese Stax chips on a recent trip to Jungle Jim's and thought I'd give them a try. I've tried other chips with lime flavoring before and most of them were pretty decent, so why not?

Silly question.

Ok, right off the bat I saw that the packaging was more like Pringles than the Stax I've seen. Not a  problem and rather trivial, but hey, that's how my brain works. Then I opened up the package and things started to really get weird.

Whaaa?  Why do these chips need a plastic insert when Pringles don't?  Is it some kind of legal thing in China?  Maybe the shipping there is rougher so the chips need more protection?  Huh.

Enough about the packaging.  On to the important stuff!

The chips had a vaguely citrus scent, not too strong and reasonably pleasant, with some slightly odd undertones I couldn't identify.

At this point I was getting the feeling that things were going off the rails, kind of like one of those insurance commercials where the person just stands there in disbelief as their daily life gets more and more surreal.  This was not my typical potato chip experience and I was having trouble making sense of it.

What's next, flavor powder?  Right!  There was a moderate amount of yellow powder on the chips, with a sprinkling of green flecks. Since the chips were the exact same shade of yellow as the powder it was a bit of a challenge to see how much there was. Some of it did come off on my fingers though. They don't leave a permanent stain but these are chips that probably require a napkin. And then ...

Oh God, they're sweet and very un-potato-chip tasting. I struggled to work out exactly what the flavor was. My mind kept going back to the Wyler's powdered lemonade mix we used to take with us on camping trips, but maybe with a little lime jell-o powder mixed in.  I ate several of the chips while trying to nail down exactly what it was, ignoring the screams of my taste buds and the wailing of my standards. But it was no use; I just couldn't get at the buried taste memory.

Then Cindy said it was Froot Loops.  She's right.

Rating: 1/4

The Red Menace

Lay's Ketchup

This is the third bag of chips I've got from Lay's "Tastes of America" promotion. Sadly, none of the local groceries seem to be carrying any of the other flavors. I was especially interested in trying the New England Lobster Roll chips and the Fried Pickles with Ranch. Much sadness.

I managed to get to this bag before anyone else in the house, which is a bit surprising as they were in the pantry for a full week. I think the whole idea of ketchup flavored chips kind of threw them.

This isn't the first time I've reviewed ketchup chips, and even before that I'd had some experience with them. That lead me to expect a certain degree of ... bluntness ... with the flavor. No problem! I didn't hate them the previous times so it all should be good - I opened the bag and (figuratively) dove right in.

The chips had, unsurprisingly, a strong scent of ketchup. Pretty good, though it might have been a touch heavier on the vinegar than I normally like. That might be due to the type of ketchup I'm used to (Heinz) or maybe not. In spite of a strong and irrational aversion to anything labelled "catsup" I'm really not that picky about ketchup.

Just what is it with the "catsup" spelling anyway? Does any rational human being actually prefer that spelling? It makes it sound like something meant to feed to animals. Yurgh.

Where was I?  Oh, right!

The chips were coated with a moderate amount of red powder, noticeable but not so bad as to cheetofy the fingers (and nowhere near as heavy as the ketchup chips I'd had in Canada way back when). I was about to try one when I noticed something odd.  The inside of the bag was kind of spattered with with ketchup flavor.

That got me wondering if there is something odd about this particular flavor or if other flavored chips also got flavor gunk on the inside of the bag and I'd just missed it somehow. I like to think of myself as rather observant, but now I'm filled with self doubt. Thanks, Frito-Lay. I'll send you the therapy bill.

After a few minutes of wallowing in uncertainty over my mental faculties, I remembered why I'd opened the bag in the first place and, you know, actually got around to eating a frickin' potato chip.

The flavor was light and (unsurprisingly) kind of ketchupy. The chips were also a bit sweeter than I expected (definitely not Heinz) and almost had a barbecue aspect. What really surprised me though was how mild the flavor was. I was expecting a serious level of ketchup and what I got was more ...

Lay's:  "Here, have some nice potato chips. Do they remind you at all of ketchup?"  

Me:  "Yeah, sort of ... I guess ... well ... They do smell like ketchup."

So they were pleasant and nothing about them was repulsive or anything, but the flavor was so mild that they almost weren't worth it.

Rating:  3/5

Deep Flavor

Lay's Deep Dish Pizza

This was actually the second bag of these chips I bought, because my daughter ate all of the first one. From the rumpled packaging in the photo you can probably guess that she also got to this bag before I could do the review. Fortunately I still got to try some of them.

Before I go any further, I want to make one thing clear; I'm not going to get into the whole "real pizza" debate. After all, it is written in The Book of Refreshments:

"It was then revealed to Louis, and his eyes were opened wide, that it would be very bad to ask either Drew or Tony if pizza should be thick or thin of crust. For this is a matter of greater truth that is best left to the Prophets."  [Chapter 14, verses 35-36]

With that out of the way ...

The chips had a strong scent of pizza sauce, along with an underlying note of ... cheese?  dough? I'm really not sure but it was a smell I associate with pizza.

That's not an association you should take lightly. I worked in a pizza place back in college and I still remember the smell ... um ... I mean scent ... or maybe fragrance ... ok, it was a smell.

Still, the thing is that the way these chips smelled really made me think of pizza, and not cheap crappy pizza like from that one place on High street that everyone who went to Miami University will know what I'm talking about but I'm not going to name because I don't want to get sued or anything. No, these chips smelled like good pizza with home-made sauce from one of those little mom & pop joints that have been in business since 1962 and the only person who knows the sauce recipe is the old dude working by themselves back in the kitchen.

The chips had a moderate coating of red powder with little flecks of spice that looked like oregano. That's not too surprising, really. I suppose if the flavor powder didn't already make you think of pizza then they'd add color and whatnot to make sure it did.

I found all of this pretty encouraging so I went ahead and ate some chips. Here's a surprise.  You know what? They tasted like pizza.

To be a bit more precise, they had a strong flavor of good pizza sauce without it being overpowering. There might have been some cheese flavor there as well, something like Parmesan or Romano. The flavor was real enough that I could imagine Lay's grinding up and drying whole deep-dish pizzas and sprinkling the powder on potato chips.

Not quite up to DANGER level, but still very good.

Rating: 4/5

Gotta Pop!

Lay's Wavy Bacon Wrapped Jalapeño Popper

As the summer progressed I was getting increasingly worried that Lay's wasn't going to be doing their usual batch of funky flavors. In past years they'd come out much earlier but there was nothing. Then, much to my delight, there was an announcement and a bunch of new chips hit the grocery stores.

Ok ... it's kind of sad that one of the highlights of my summer is potato chips. Nevertheless ...

"Stop with the nattering and tell us about the chips, Doc!" I hear you cry. Right-O!  I'm on it like a donkey on a waffle!

On opening the bag I was greeted to a light, smokey scent with just a hint of vinegar. It was pleasant and encouraging, and not at all overpowering.

I'm always a bit leery of bacon-flavored stuff because sometimes it's way too strong and kind of artificial in the same way that grape-flavored candy usually tastes more purple than grape. At this point in the tangent I should probably reassure you that these chips have no grape flavor or scent whatsoever. The grape thing was just a simile to illustrate my dislike of strong artificial ... never mind.

The chips themselves had a light amount of chip-colored powder with scattered green flecks. They were a bit greasy, but not as bad as kettle chips usually are.

Heartened by the pleasant scent and harmless appearance, I tried one. Huh. I first noticed a very light bacon flavor, and then a hint of cheese and jalapeño. There was just a touch of spiciness that built a bit, but it never got above what I would call "mild."

The thing is, while the first couple of chips were just sort of pleasant, the flavor steadily became more pronounced and more enticing with each one. I quickly discovered that I REALLY like these. I could easily polish off an entire bag without trying, which puts them well into a category which I'm now going to refer to as "DANGER CHIPS".

Rating:  5/5

I Can't Hear You

Pringles Loud Zesty Ranch

I took one look at these in the grocery store and said, "What?" 

I suppose potato chips can be considered "LOUD" if they're really really crunchy. Like when, no matter how slowly and gently you chew them, the crunching sound goes right through your cheeks and wakes up the neighbor's dog who then watches you eat the rest of the chips, following each one from the package to your mouth and silently judging you as the sort of person who wouldn't give and obviously starving dog one measly little potato chip. You monster.

A potato chip could also be considered "LOUD" if the flavor were really strong. You know the kind. You eat one and for the next three hours you taste nothing but flavor powder and your breath peels the paint off the walls and nobody will kiss you ever again.

I had to know which one it was, so I bought them.

I opened the canister and was greeted by the scent of ... something. It was really pretty faint. Maybe ranch? Yeah, it could be ranch ... I suppose ... on a foggy day.

The chips looked like slightly thicker than normal Pringles, with heavy yellow powder on one side only.  They were also a bit browner than usual.

I ate one. It didn't crunch any more than usual. No sign of the neighbor's dog.

The flavor was of onions, salt, corn chips, and a slight hint of sour cream. As I crunched I looked at the ingredients label. It turns out Pringles LOUD is made from yellow corn flour rather than potato.

I ate a few more to try and understand the experience I was having. After a bit the taste got to be more ranch-like, but it was still mostly salt and corn chips.

The paint stayed on the walls. Cindy was still willing to kiss me.

Nope. They're ok, but I just don't get the "LOUD" part.

Rating: 3/5

Smokey Says ...

Kettle Brand Wood Smoked Sea Salt

I almost didn't buy these.

You'll notice that there aren't a lot of reviews on this site of unflavored potato chips. I suppose that I could comment on how good the potato ... flavor is, on the crunchiness, or on how many or few chips are actually in the package. Where's the fun in that though? I mean really, unflavored potato chips are really kind of boring. I MUST HAVE FLAVOR!

With that in mind, I just wasn't sure if smoked salt counts as a flavor. I mean technically, yes, it does, kind of, sort of, but is it a real flavor? Well, there was only one way to find out.

In spite of my best efforts so far, Kettle Brand's packaging still features their patented Evil-Bag-Ruining-Notch™. Note the top of the bag in the photo - I defeated their plans with a pair of scissors. One day they will see reason, but today is not that day.

The chips had a good scent of ... um ... wood smoke. It wasn't too heavy but it was unmistakable. [*sniff* *sniff*] ... "Burning wood. Huh."

On the plus side for those obsessed with keeping there fingers clean, there was no flavor powder at all. Really given how many kinds of flavored chips I've tried this was something I was completely unused to.

As for the taste, these chips had a distinct flavor of ... um ... wood smoke. Again it was light, which I suspect is a good thing. You don't want to eat a chip and then feel like you'd French kissed a campfire.

Overall, these chips came across as good but somehow boring at the same time.

Rating: 4/5

Doesn't Stack Up

Lay's Stax Buffalo Wings with Ranch

This was the first time I tried Lay's Stax chips. I like Pringles (much to Cindy's bafflement), and Lay's has done pretty well with other flavors, so I figured these would be worth a try.

I would like to note that I prefer the Pringles packaging. The plastic canister that Stax comes in makes them seem even farther from being actual food. That being said, I didn't take the packaging into account for the rating below. It's all about the actual chips, don't'cha know.

On opening the top of the canister I was greeted by a pretty good buffalo scent. Wait ... having seen actual live buffalo that doesn't sound right. I mean they (the chips, not the buffalo) smelled reasonably like buffalo sauce ... which isn't sauce made by or put on buffalo ... but I think maybe the sauce originated in Buffalo, New York or something.

Anyways, I dumped out a few of the chips and the first thing I noticed is that they're not shaped like Pringles. Stax are curved like they were made on the outside of a cylinder, whereas Pringles are shaped like a hyperbolic paraboloid.

The chips also had a heavy coating of orange-red powder ... but only on one side. I've read that Pringles are also only coated on one side, but somehow this seemed more pronounced. Weird.

As for taste, I got a solid sour cream and ranch flavor and a burst of heat. Surprisingly though there wasn't much in the way of buffalo flavor. I was expecting a bit of vinegar and such that just wasn't there.

Cindy turned up her nose at them.

On the whole, I thought they were ok. However the Pringles Buffalo Ranch is better.

Rating: 3/5

Fatal Maple

Kettle Brand Maple Bacon

Let me say this up front: I'm one of those sorts who doesn't like it when the maple syrup from my pancakes gets on the breakfast meats. I know other folks like maple-flavored sausage and such, and to me that seems really weird. Now add in the fact that I really don't care for really strong or artificial maple flavors and you can understand why I would approach these chips with caution.

Oh, you know those doughnuts with the maple icing and the slice of bacon on top? They're an abomination - spoiling not only perfectly good bacon but wasting a whole freakin' doughnut as well!

Ah ... sorry, kind of got off on a tangent there.

So I opened the bag of chips, taking care to avoid Kettle Brand's patented Evil-Bag-Ruining-Notch™, and cautiously gave a sniff.  Nothing but a light fragrance of smoked bacon. Really that was quite encouraging. I like bacon, especially if it's not overdone, and there wasn't even a hint of maple.

The chips had a light amount of brown/beige powder that didn't smell of maple either.

On tasting ... well they weren't awful. They were slightly sweet with a very light amount of maple flavoring. I'd eat a chip and say, "Huh." Then I'd try another. I think I went through a small handful that way, not really loving the chips but not hating them either.

The family ate the rest of the bag. Cindy's only complaint was that she doesn't like sweet chips so much, though these weren't too bad. I figure they weren't as bad as the dreaded Cappuccino chips, but they're not something I would crave either.

Rating: 2/5 (Your mileage may vary)

BBBQ

Kettle Brand Bourbon BBQ

Another bag of chips from the impressive selection of Kettle Brand chips at the local Kroger. Given that I tend to like barbecue chips, I had moderately high hopes for these.

The packaging included Kettle Brand's patented Evil-Bag-Ruining-Notch™, but I defeated their fiendish plan by cutting off the top of the bag with scissors. Hah! Making the world safe for chip-clips, one bag at a time!

The scent of these chips was surprisingly low key. There was a bit of barbecue smell but mostly it was just ... potato chip. That's almost as exciting as smelling steamed rice.

The chips themselves were coated with a moderate amount of red-brown powder. Really the amount wasn't out of line for barbecue chips. Any less powder and I'd have started to wonder of the flavor machine was running empty.

In terms of taste there wasn't much of a surprise either. There was a reasonable barbecue flavor with a bit of an odd bite to them - maybe that's supposed to be the bourbon? Whatever it was, it made the chips slightly bitter. There was also a very mild, unpleasant aftertaste that frankly reminded me of throwing up. I probably wouldn't have noticed it though if I hadn't been paying attention.

Cindy liked them but thought they were a bit too sweet.

Rating: 3/5

Blasé Blaze

Doritos Blaze

This is one of those cases where I went ahead and tried the chips even though I expected them to be too spicy. I was not disappointed.

On opening the bag I was greeted by a strong scent of chili powder, with notes of curry. In some ways this was encouraging - it raises the possibility that there's some flavor there other than just "hot".

Powder. These things had some serious powder on them. That's not too surprising for Doritos, I suppose, but there was enough brick-red spice powder here to season a major metropolitan area. Be prepared to wash your hands ... and clothes ... and carpeting ... etc.

So after making the above observations, I steeled myself and ate one. First there was the taste of chili peppers with just a touch of lime and a moderate amount of heat. This was followed by an afterburn suitable to a Falcon 9 rocket. At the end I was left with a slight aftertaste of seared tastebuds.

Cindy said these are the chips to give to your friends who say nothing is ever hot enough. They still won't be hot enough for them, but those guys won't notice how boring the actual taste is.

In summary, they're spicy but there's not enough actual flavor to be worth it.

Rating: 2/5

Un-Thai-ed

Kettle Brand Fiery Thai

The local Kroger has got to be on to me - they stock more flavors of Kettle Brand chips than anywhere else I've been. Not that I'm complaining.

I like Thai food. I like spicy food (to a point). These sounded like an excellent idea. Not to sure about the almond oil thing though. What's up with that?

Before I continue with the review, I'd like to take a moment to call attention to something:

See that?  Cindy got to this bag of chips before I could take a photo, and she opened them using Kettle Brand's patented Evil-Bag-Ruining-Notch™.  There was no way to effectively apply a chip clip to the bag so we were forced to eat the whole thing. You listening, Kettle Brand?  I'm on to you and your fiendish plot!

Ahem. So ... review, right!

The chips had a kind of fruity scent with herbal notes, which honestly made me a bit nervous after the experience with those Froot-Loop chips. Nevertheless, once started we will not be deterred.

There was a moderate amount of beige powder on the chips. Being the same color as the chip it tended to blend in, so they added a lot of green flecks to make it more obvious ... and maybe to suggest spicy Thai?

The flavor was mostly sort of onion-y. There was also a mild amount of spice that built up to a decent afterburn.

On the whole they didn't seem very Thai to me, but they were still very tasty. I wonder if the fruity aspect of the scent came from the frying in almond oil.

Rating: 4/5

Lotza Mozzarella

Ruffles Mozzarella 'N Marinara

I found these at the local Kroger, right next to the Flame-Grilled Cheeseburger and All Dressed Ruffles. Given how iffy pizza-flavored stuff can be, I wasn't sure what to expect - but hey, it's for science, right?

On opening the bag I was greeted by a light scent that was kind of tomato-y, along with a vague sort of pizza-dough smell ... maybe that's supposed to be the breading on the mozzarella? No idea.

Anyways, the chips were coated with a slight amount of flavor powder - mostly light orange but there were some green flecks in there too.

The surprising part was the flavor ... surprising in that it wasn't all that impressive. Mostly they tasted like typical sour cream and onion chips, with a little bit of tomato flavor and just a hint of herbs. On the whole they weren't bad, but they weren't amazing either.

On the flip side, they didn't taste like horrible-fake-pizza-flavor-things, so I guess that's a point in their favor.

Rating: 3/5

I've Got a Beef with Tayto

Tayto Beef & Onion

Tayto's track record on this blog is pretty mixed, but I keep finding new flavors at Jungle Jim's, and (despite what is says) the bags are small, so I keep buying and trying them.

So, in the spirit of intrepid discovery, I opened the Amazing Big Bag of Beef & Onion!

 

The chips had a distinct scent of soy sauce, along with notes of yeast and old tennis shoes. This was not quite what I was expecting. 

They had a moderate amount of flavor powder, but it was hard to see because it was the exact same color as the chips. Really that's kind of impressive. It's like a magic trick: no powder on the chips and, PRESTO! There's stuff all over your fingers! Another impressive trick is that these chips were as greasy as kettle chips usually are.

All of that and I haven't even got to how they tasted.

Not good. They tasted exactly like cheap beef bouillon cubes.

 

Rating: 2/5

Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo!

Kettle Brand Krinkle Cut Bufflao Bleu

First, what the heck is up with Kettle Brand that all their packaging has the evil bag-ruining notch in the upper right corner? Is this some kind of scam on their part, knowing the bag will be opened to the point of uncloseability so we'll have to eat all the chips or let them go stale?

I saw these at the local Kroger (which apparently has a wider variety of chips than most grocery stores ... coincidence?) and being a fan of both buffalo and blue cheese I didn't have to think for long before buying them.

On opening the bag my first thought was that it was only half-full (or maybe half-empty). Yeah, I know. "This product is packaged by weight, not volume" and "The air-filled package helps keep the chips from getting crushed."  Blah blah blah. It still makes you guys look like you're trying to pull a fast one - especially when combined with the whole notch thing. I've got my eye on you!

Anyway...

I found the scent of the chips a bit disappointing. There was a decent amount of blue cheese smell, but only a hint of buffalo ... maybe. It was that faint, really.

The chips had a moderate amount of powder on them - these are definitely wash-hands-after-eating chips, which on further thought is probably a necessity because of the whole buffalo thing.

It was in the tasting that everything came together. ZING! There it is! Full-on spice followed by some decent buffalo flavor and a bleu finish. On top of that the chips had a pretty good afterburn.

Rating:  4/5

Generally Disappointing

Private Selection General Tso's Chicken

This was one of those cases where I really didn't know what to expect. The premise certainly sounded interesting, but I haven't reviewed any of the Private Selection brand chips so there was no track record to go by. Still, it's all for science ... or whatever.

The scent of these chips was a bit low-key. There was a good amount of barbecue and maybe hints of bell pepper.

The chips had a moderate amount of powder on them, though it was mostly chip-colored which made it less noticeable. They also had the kettle-chip greasiness.

I should probably admit here that I don't like kettle chips as much as other kinds. Not because of the greasiness, but I find them to be a bit too hard and sharp. Why do I keep buying them? Well, partly because I really like to try new flavors. Mostly though is because Cindy really likes them so I don't have to worry about open bags going stale.

Ok, enough of that.  Back to the review ...

They did have a good amount of chicken flavor, along with a sweet touch and maybe a hint of ... banana? There was an odd, almost plastic aftertaste though that (upon much painful thinking) was reminiscent of cheap Chinese food.

On the whole, I suppose it was a fairly accurate reproduction of General Tso's Chicken. Not from a restaurant I'd go back to often though.

Rating: 2/5

Just In Queso

Kettle Brand Krinkle Cut Spicy Queso

I tried Lay's Southwestern Queso last year and they turned out to be pretty good, so that kind of cranked up the expectations when I found these at the local Kroger.

One moment for a brief digression:  Note the cut off top of the package because of Kettle Brand's evil "easy-open" notch documented in the post for their Chile Verde chips.  Hello, Snyder-Lance?  Are you listening?  Cease your evil ways immediately!  A curse upon your head of packaging!

Now that I have that out of the way, on to the quest for the queso!

These chips had a reasonably pleasant scent of smoked paprika and cheese. I said "reasonably" because they also smelled a bit ... musty?

The chips were dusted with a slight amount of yellow and brown powder, with little green flecks. As typical with kettle chips, they're also pretty greasy.

The flavor wasn't bad, with a smokey taste and mild amount of spiciness. They didn't have much cheese flavor, except for an odd aftertaste that was almost bad parmesan.  On the whole these chips weren't bad, but they were kind of boring.

Rating: 3/5

Eenie Meenie Pepperoncini

Kettle Brand Pepperoncini

I've got a strange love/hate relationship with pepperoncini. Most of the time I really like them but every now and then I get one that tastes just a little too ... green?  I'm not sure what the disliked flavor is, really, though it's really strong in bell peppers and I sometimes taste it in green beans.

All of that is pretty tangential though because we're talking about potato chips here, so I'll get on with it.

I picked these up at the local Kroger. It turns out my store has a surprisingly large selection of chips - including more varieties of Kettle Brand than they even list on their website. Coincidence? Or are they aware of my compulsion?

The scent of these chips is pretty light. I only got a slight vinegar smell that was close to what I would expect from dill pickle chips.

The chips had a moderate amount of powder on them, with a color that made them look almost dirty. They also had that kettle-chip greasiness.

For flavor they had a good pepperoncini taste with a light hint of garlic. After eating a few they seemed to be a cross between garlic pickle and sour cream and onion dip. Not bad, but not fantastic either. Then again, I'm not really sure what I was expecting from them.

Rating: 3/5

Honey Chipotle Don't Care

Lay's Kettle Cooked Honey Chipotle

I have to admit that the fact that the flavor has the word "honey" in the name made me hesitant to buy it. I kept remembering back to the dreaded Cappuccino chips and freezing in terror. Still, it's all for science, or at least all three of my dedicated readers, so I lied to myself and bought a bag.

The scent on opening the bag was actually pretty good. They smelled honey sweet with pepper undertones. The chips had a light dusting of red-brown powder and the slightly greasy sheen I now associate with kettle chips.

Celeste tasted them first and said, "Be ready. The flavor comes at you really fast."

She was right. The taste was a mildly spicy zing quickly followed by a strong honey note.

My initial reaction was, "Huh."

Cindy tried one and said, "Huh."

They're not horrible, but I think they're a bit too sweet.

Rating: 2/5

A Kettle of Korean

Kettle Brand Korean Barbeque

I've bought these a couple times before, but for some reason the bag always vanishes before I have a chance to review them ... which I guess in itself is a good sign.

On opening the bag I was greeted with the scents of onion, soy sauce, and barbecue sauce. The chips had a moderate amount of reddish-brown powder. Not enough to cake onto the fingertips, but enough so you'd still need to wash your hands afterwards.

The flavor of these chips is complex, with strong onion and sweet barbecue notes as well as more complex hints of smoke and maybe even a little heat.

I could eat a good amount of these chips ... as long as I didn't tell anyone I bought them. Cindy didn't say much but she did claim a good sized serving for herself.  Later in the day I saw Celeste looking for the bag in vain.

Rating: 4/5

Marmite?

Walkers Marmite

I saw these during a recent trip to Jungle Jim's and just had to get them. I've never had Marmite before but I've heard plenty of stories. Either these were going to be incredibly insanely awesome or an absolutely horrible abomination ... possibly both.

Steeling myself for the potential shock, I opened the package and sniffed it. To my delight and disappointment I did not immediately turn green and die. The chips smelled ... well, salty. There was also a hint of something else that was almost, but not quite, maple.

The chips had a slight coating of brown powder, but not enough to be really finger-staining.

Then came the moment of truth. I took a chip and ate it.

Again, disappointing surprise. They had a moderately strong, meaty flavor, not too salty, and way better than they smelled. I suppose if I were a vegan and wanted something sort of beef-ish, these would be a good option.

On the whole, they weren't unpleasant and I'm not sorry I tried them, but they're also not something I'd buy a lot of.

Rating: 3/5

Tropical Mistake

Kettle Brand Tropical Salsa

Between the brightly colored packaging and the words "tropical" and "avocado", buying these chips wasn't a hard decision. They practically jumped off the shelf and into my shopping cart.

The chips have a very pleasant scent, a mix of fruit notes and vinegar. I'm not sure but I thought there might even have been a hint of avocado from the frying oil.

The problem came in with the taste. From the first chip I was thinking, "Not bad, but it reminds me of something ...." I figured it out pretty quickly though, and subsequent conversations at the house went as follows.

Me:  "Here, try these."

Family Member: [crunch crunch crunch] 

Me:  "Do they taste like Fruity Pebbles to you?"

Family Member:  [frowning] "They do now."

After that no one would eat any more of them.

Rating: 1/5