Smokey Says ...

Kettle Brand Wood Smoked Sea Salt

I almost didn't buy these.

You'll notice that there aren't a lot of reviews on this site of unflavored potato chips. I suppose that I could comment on how good the potato ... flavor is, on the crunchiness, or on how many or few chips are actually in the package. Where's the fun in that though? I mean really, unflavored potato chips are really kind of boring. I MUST HAVE FLAVOR!

With that in mind, I just wasn't sure if smoked salt counts as a flavor. I mean technically, yes, it does, kind of, sort of, but is it a real flavor? Well, there was only one way to find out.

In spite of my best efforts so far, Kettle Brand's packaging still features their patented Evil-Bag-Ruining-Notch™. Note the top of the bag in the photo - I defeated their plans with a pair of scissors. One day they will see reason, but today is not that day.

The chips had a good scent of ... um ... wood smoke. It wasn't too heavy but it was unmistakable. [*sniff* *sniff*] ... "Burning wood. Huh."

On the plus side for those obsessed with keeping there fingers clean, there was no flavor powder at all. Really given how many kinds of flavored chips I've tried this was something I was completely unused to.

As for the taste, these chips had a distinct flavor of ... um ... wood smoke. Again it was light, which I suspect is a good thing. You don't want to eat a chip and then feel like you'd French kissed a campfire.

Overall, these chips came across as good but somehow boring at the same time.

Rating: 4/5

Fatal Maple

Kettle Brand Maple Bacon

Let me say this up front: I'm one of those sorts who doesn't like it when the maple syrup from my pancakes gets on the breakfast meats. I know other folks like maple-flavored sausage and such, and to me that seems really weird. Now add in the fact that I really don't care for really strong or artificial maple flavors and you can understand why I would approach these chips with caution.

Oh, you know those doughnuts with the maple icing and the slice of bacon on top? They're an abomination - spoiling not only perfectly good bacon but wasting a whole freakin' doughnut as well!

Ah ... sorry, kind of got off on a tangent there.

So I opened the bag of chips, taking care to avoid Kettle Brand's patented Evil-Bag-Ruining-Notch™, and cautiously gave a sniff.  Nothing but a light fragrance of smoked bacon. Really that was quite encouraging. I like bacon, especially if it's not overdone, and there wasn't even a hint of maple.

The chips had a light amount of brown/beige powder that didn't smell of maple either.

On tasting ... well they weren't awful. They were slightly sweet with a very light amount of maple flavoring. I'd eat a chip and say, "Huh." Then I'd try another. I think I went through a small handful that way, not really loving the chips but not hating them either.

The family ate the rest of the bag. Cindy's only complaint was that she doesn't like sweet chips so much, though these weren't too bad. I figure they weren't as bad as the dreaded Cappuccino chips, but they're not something I would crave either.

Rating: 2/5 (Your mileage may vary)

BBBQ

Kettle Brand Bourbon BBQ

Another bag of chips from the impressive selection of Kettle Brand chips at the local Kroger. Given that I tend to like barbecue chips, I had moderately high hopes for these.

The packaging included Kettle Brand's patented Evil-Bag-Ruining-Notch™, but I defeated their fiendish plan by cutting off the top of the bag with scissors. Hah! Making the world safe for chip-clips, one bag at a time!

The scent of these chips was surprisingly low key. There was a bit of barbecue smell but mostly it was just ... potato chip. That's almost as exciting as smelling steamed rice.

The chips themselves were coated with a moderate amount of red-brown powder. Really the amount wasn't out of line for barbecue chips. Any less powder and I'd have started to wonder of the flavor machine was running empty.

In terms of taste there wasn't much of a surprise either. There was a reasonable barbecue flavor with a bit of an odd bite to them - maybe that's supposed to be the bourbon? Whatever it was, it made the chips slightly bitter. There was also a very mild, unpleasant aftertaste that frankly reminded me of throwing up. I probably wouldn't have noticed it though if I hadn't been paying attention.

Cindy liked them but thought they were a bit too sweet.

Rating: 3/5

Un-Thai-ed

Kettle Brand Fiery Thai

The local Kroger has got to be on to me - they stock more flavors of Kettle Brand chips than anywhere else I've been. Not that I'm complaining.

I like Thai food. I like spicy food (to a point). These sounded like an excellent idea. Not to sure about the almond oil thing though. What's up with that?

Before I continue with the review, I'd like to take a moment to call attention to something:

See that?  Cindy got to this bag of chips before I could take a photo, and she opened them using Kettle Brand's patented Evil-Bag-Ruining-Notch™.  There was no way to effectively apply a chip clip to the bag so we were forced to eat the whole thing. You listening, Kettle Brand?  I'm on to you and your fiendish plot!

Ahem. So ... review, right!

The chips had a kind of fruity scent with herbal notes, which honestly made me a bit nervous after the experience with those Froot-Loop chips. Nevertheless, once started we will not be deterred.

There was a moderate amount of beige powder on the chips. Being the same color as the chip it tended to blend in, so they added a lot of green flecks to make it more obvious ... and maybe to suggest spicy Thai?

The flavor was mostly sort of onion-y. There was also a mild amount of spice that built up to a decent afterburn.

On the whole they didn't seem very Thai to me, but they were still very tasty. I wonder if the fruity aspect of the scent came from the frying in almond oil.

Rating: 4/5

Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo!

Kettle Brand Krinkle Cut Bufflao Bleu

First, what the heck is up with Kettle Brand that all their packaging has the evil bag-ruining notch in the upper right corner? Is this some kind of scam on their part, knowing the bag will be opened to the point of uncloseability so we'll have to eat all the chips or let them go stale?

I saw these at the local Kroger (which apparently has a wider variety of chips than most grocery stores ... coincidence?) and being a fan of both buffalo and blue cheese I didn't have to think for long before buying them.

On opening the bag my first thought was that it was only half-full (or maybe half-empty). Yeah, I know. "This product is packaged by weight, not volume" and "The air-filled package helps keep the chips from getting crushed."  Blah blah blah. It still makes you guys look like you're trying to pull a fast one - especially when combined with the whole notch thing. I've got my eye on you!

Anyway...

I found the scent of the chips a bit disappointing. There was a decent amount of blue cheese smell, but only a hint of buffalo ... maybe. It was that faint, really.

The chips had a moderate amount of powder on them - these are definitely wash-hands-after-eating chips, which on further thought is probably a necessity because of the whole buffalo thing.

It was in the tasting that everything came together. ZING! There it is! Full-on spice followed by some decent buffalo flavor and a bleu finish. On top of that the chips had a pretty good afterburn.

Rating:  4/5

Just In Queso

Kettle Brand Krinkle Cut Spicy Queso

I tried Lay's Southwestern Queso last year and they turned out to be pretty good, so that kind of cranked up the expectations when I found these at the local Kroger.

One moment for a brief digression:  Note the cut off top of the package because of Kettle Brand's evil "easy-open" notch documented in the post for their Chile Verde chips.  Hello, Snyder-Lance?  Are you listening?  Cease your evil ways immediately!  A curse upon your head of packaging!

Now that I have that out of the way, on to the quest for the queso!

These chips had a reasonably pleasant scent of smoked paprika and cheese. I said "reasonably" because they also smelled a bit ... musty?

The chips were dusted with a slight amount of yellow and brown powder, with little green flecks. As typical with kettle chips, they're also pretty greasy.

The flavor wasn't bad, with a smokey taste and mild amount of spiciness. They didn't have much cheese flavor, except for an odd aftertaste that was almost bad parmesan.  On the whole these chips weren't bad, but they were kind of boring.

Rating: 3/5

Eenie Meenie Pepperoncini

Kettle Brand Pepperoncini

I've got a strange love/hate relationship with pepperoncini. Most of the time I really like them but every now and then I get one that tastes just a little too ... green?  I'm not sure what the disliked flavor is, really, though it's really strong in bell peppers and I sometimes taste it in green beans.

All of that is pretty tangential though because we're talking about potato chips here, so I'll get on with it.

I picked these up at the local Kroger. It turns out my store has a surprisingly large selection of chips - including more varieties of Kettle Brand than they even list on their website. Coincidence? Or are they aware of my compulsion?

The scent of these chips is pretty light. I only got a slight vinegar smell that was close to what I would expect from dill pickle chips.

The chips had a moderate amount of powder on them, with a color that made them look almost dirty. They also had that kettle-chip greasiness.

For flavor they had a good pepperoncini taste with a light hint of garlic. After eating a few they seemed to be a cross between garlic pickle and sour cream and onion dip. Not bad, but not fantastic either. Then again, I'm not really sure what I was expecting from them.

Rating: 3/5

A Kettle of Korean

Kettle Brand Korean Barbeque

I've bought these a couple times before, but for some reason the bag always vanishes before I have a chance to review them ... which I guess in itself is a good sign.

On opening the bag I was greeted with the scents of onion, soy sauce, and barbecue sauce. The chips had a moderate amount of reddish-brown powder. Not enough to cake onto the fingertips, but enough so you'd still need to wash your hands afterwards.

The flavor of these chips is complex, with strong onion and sweet barbecue notes as well as more complex hints of smoke and maybe even a little heat.

I could eat a good amount of these chips ... as long as I didn't tell anyone I bought them. Cindy didn't say much but she did claim a good sized serving for herself.  Later in the day I saw Celeste looking for the bag in vain.

Rating: 4/5

Tropical Mistake

Kettle Brand Tropical Salsa

Between the brightly colored packaging and the words "tropical" and "avocado", buying these chips wasn't a hard decision. They practically jumped off the shelf and into my shopping cart.

The chips have a very pleasant scent, a mix of fruit notes and vinegar. I'm not sure but I thought there might even have been a hint of avocado from the frying oil.

The problem came in with the taste. From the first chip I was thinking, "Not bad, but it reminds me of something ...." I figured it out pretty quickly though, and subsequent conversations at the house went as follows.

Me:  "Here, try these."

Family Member: [crunch crunch crunch] 

Me:  "Do they taste like Fruity Pebbles to you?"

Family Member:  [frowning] "They do now."

After that no one would eat any more of them.

Rating: 1/5

This is Verde Action Is!

Kettle Chile Verde

I picked these up at the local Kroger, but before I get into the whole "chip" side of things I'd like to make a couple of comments about packaging. If you're in the chip-packaging business (unlikely) I hope you'll take note of the following (even more unlikely).

First, the material this bag is made of would be suitable for making bullet-proof vests. It doesn't tear or deform easily and the seal at the top (and bottom) of the bag are as strong or stronger than the packaging material itself. This is actually not a good thing if you want your customers to do something like ... I don't know ... maybe open the bag or something.

Second, if you look closely at the top of the package, there's a little notch cut into it.

(evil trap at top of package)

Anyone who has ever opened a plastic package by tearing it at a notch like this knows what happens next; the packaging material will somehow become molecularly unstable and the tear will split the bag all the way down the side to the bottom, spilling chips all over the floor, and rendering the whole thing unsuitable for resealing with a chip-clip. Any uneaten chips will become stale and the party will be ruined. To the designer of this feature I say, "I hate you."

I opened the bag with a pair of scissors.

With that out of the way, let's talk about the actual chips.

The freshly opened (with a pair of scissors) bag had a light scent of vinegar and just a hint of something that could be chili peppers. The chips had a slightly oily sheen to them and the occasional green fleck of spice, but no powdery coating of note.

The flavor was pretty mild at first, but by the second or third chip I could taste onion, garlic, and a bit of something meaty. There was also a hint of a kind of "green" flavor that was probably either tomatillo or chili pepper. The spiciness of the chips kept building with each one, making for a reasonably good burn after four or five. I kept thinking I could taste guacamole but I think that was just a combination of the other flavors.

On the whole, these are really good (except for the packaging). I saved the rest of the bag for later by closing it with a chip-clip.

Rating: 4/5

Infused Basil

Cape Cod Infused Mediterranean

I saw these at the local grocery and bought them just to see what Mediterranean tastes like. Kettle chips aren't generally my favorites - they tend to be almost painfully crunchy to me. Cindy likes them more than regular chips though, so I know they won't go to waste.

Opening the bag gave a mild, herbal scent - nothing bad but nothing really impressive either. The overall flavor was basil, with notes of rosemary, basil, olive oil, basil, and a touch of tomato and basil.

These are probably the best basil-flavored chips I've ever had.

Rating: 3/5