BBBQ

Kettle Brand Bourbon BBQ

Another bag of chips from the impressive selection of Kettle Brand chips at the local Kroger. Given that I tend to like barbecue chips, I had moderately high hopes for these.

The packaging included Kettle Brand's patented Evil-Bag-Ruining-Notch™, but I defeated their fiendish plan by cutting off the top of the bag with scissors. Hah! Making the world safe for chip-clips, one bag at a time!

The scent of these chips was surprisingly low key. There was a bit of barbecue smell but mostly it was just ... potato chip. That's almost as exciting as smelling steamed rice.

The chips themselves were coated with a moderate amount of red-brown powder. Really the amount wasn't out of line for barbecue chips. Any less powder and I'd have started to wonder of the flavor machine was running empty.

In terms of taste there wasn't much of a surprise either. There was a reasonable barbecue flavor with a bit of an odd bite to them - maybe that's supposed to be the bourbon? Whatever it was, it made the chips slightly bitter. There was also a very mild, unpleasant aftertaste that frankly reminded me of throwing up. I probably wouldn't have noticed it though if I hadn't been paying attention.

Cindy liked them but thought they were a bit too sweet.

Rating: 3/5

Blasé Blaze

Doritos Blaze

This is one of those cases where I went ahead and tried the chips even though I expected them to be too spicy. I was not disappointed.

On opening the bag I was greeted by a strong scent of chili powder, with notes of curry. In some ways this was encouraging - it raises the possibility that there's some flavor there other than just "hot".

Powder. These things had some serious powder on them. That's not too surprising for Doritos, I suppose, but there was enough brick-red spice powder here to season a major metropolitan area. Be prepared to wash your hands ... and clothes ... and carpeting ... etc.

So after making the above observations, I steeled myself and ate one. First there was the taste of chili peppers with just a touch of lime and a moderate amount of heat. This was followed by an afterburn suitable to a Falcon 9 rocket. At the end I was left with a slight aftertaste of seared tastebuds.

Cindy said these are the chips to give to your friends who say nothing is ever hot enough. They still won't be hot enough for them, but those guys won't notice how boring the actual taste is.

In summary, they're spicy but there's not enough actual flavor to be worth it.

Rating: 2/5

Un-Thai-ed

Kettle Brand Fiery Thai

The local Kroger has got to be on to me - they stock more flavors of Kettle Brand chips than anywhere else I've been. Not that I'm complaining.

I like Thai food. I like spicy food (to a point). These sounded like an excellent idea. Not to sure about the almond oil thing though. What's up with that?

Before I continue with the review, I'd like to take a moment to call attention to something:

See that?  Cindy got to this bag of chips before I could take a photo, and she opened them using Kettle Brand's patented Evil-Bag-Ruining-Notch™.  There was no way to effectively apply a chip clip to the bag so we were forced to eat the whole thing. You listening, Kettle Brand?  I'm on to you and your fiendish plot!

Ahem. So ... review, right!

The chips had a kind of fruity scent with herbal notes, which honestly made me a bit nervous after the experience with those Froot-Loop chips. Nevertheless, once started we will not be deterred.

There was a moderate amount of beige powder on the chips. Being the same color as the chip it tended to blend in, so they added a lot of green flecks to make it more obvious ... and maybe to suggest spicy Thai?

The flavor was mostly sort of onion-y. There was also a mild amount of spice that built up to a decent afterburn.

On the whole they didn't seem very Thai to me, but they were still very tasty. I wonder if the fruity aspect of the scent came from the frying in almond oil.

Rating: 4/5

Lotza Mozzarella

Ruffles Mozzarella 'N Marinara

I found these at the local Kroger, right next to the Flame-Grilled Cheeseburger and All Dressed Ruffles. Given how iffy pizza-flavored stuff can be, I wasn't sure what to expect - but hey, it's for science, right?

On opening the bag I was greeted by a light scent that was kind of tomato-y, along with a vague sort of pizza-dough smell ... maybe that's supposed to be the breading on the mozzarella? No idea.

Anyways, the chips were coated with a slight amount of flavor powder - mostly light orange but there were some green flecks in there too.

The surprising part was the flavor ... surprising in that it wasn't all that impressive. Mostly they tasted like typical sour cream and onion chips, with a little bit of tomato flavor and just a hint of herbs. On the whole they weren't bad, but they weren't amazing either.

On the flip side, they didn't taste like horrible-fake-pizza-flavor-things, so I guess that's a point in their favor.

Rating: 3/5

I've Got a Beef with Tayto

Tayto Beef & Onion

Tayto's track record on this blog is pretty mixed, but I keep finding new flavors at Jungle Jim's, and (despite what is says) the bags are small, so I keep buying and trying them.

So, in the spirit of intrepid discovery, I opened the Amazing Big Bag of Beef & Onion!

 

The chips had a distinct scent of soy sauce, along with notes of yeast and old tennis shoes. This was not quite what I was expecting. 

They had a moderate amount of flavor powder, but it was hard to see because it was the exact same color as the chips. Really that's kind of impressive. It's like a magic trick: no powder on the chips and, PRESTO! There's stuff all over your fingers! Another impressive trick is that these chips were as greasy as kettle chips usually are.

All of that and I haven't even got to how they tasted.

Not good. They tasted exactly like cheap beef bouillon cubes.

 

Rating: 2/5

Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo!

Kettle Brand Krinkle Cut Bufflao Bleu

First, what the heck is up with Kettle Brand that all their packaging has the evil bag-ruining notch in the upper right corner? Is this some kind of scam on their part, knowing the bag will be opened to the point of uncloseability so we'll have to eat all the chips or let them go stale?

I saw these at the local Kroger (which apparently has a wider variety of chips than most grocery stores ... coincidence?) and being a fan of both buffalo and blue cheese I didn't have to think for long before buying them.

On opening the bag my first thought was that it was only half-full (or maybe half-empty). Yeah, I know. "This product is packaged by weight, not volume" and "The air-filled package helps keep the chips from getting crushed."  Blah blah blah. It still makes you guys look like you're trying to pull a fast one - especially when combined with the whole notch thing. I've got my eye on you!

Anyway...

I found the scent of the chips a bit disappointing. There was a decent amount of blue cheese smell, but only a hint of buffalo ... maybe. It was that faint, really.

The chips had a moderate amount of powder on them - these are definitely wash-hands-after-eating chips, which on further thought is probably a necessity because of the whole buffalo thing.

It was in the tasting that everything came together. ZING! There it is! Full-on spice followed by some decent buffalo flavor and a bleu finish. On top of that the chips had a pretty good afterburn.

Rating:  4/5

Generally Disappointing

Private Selection General Tso's Chicken

This was one of those cases where I really didn't know what to expect. The premise certainly sounded interesting, but I haven't reviewed any of the Private Selection brand chips so there was no track record to go by. Still, it's all for science ... or whatever.

The scent of these chips was a bit low-key. There was a good amount of barbecue and maybe hints of bell pepper.

The chips had a moderate amount of powder on them, though it was mostly chip-colored which made it less noticeable. They also had the kettle-chip greasiness.

I should probably admit here that I don't like kettle chips as much as other kinds. Not because of the greasiness, but I find them to be a bit too hard and sharp. Why do I keep buying them? Well, partly because I really like to try new flavors. Mostly though is because Cindy really likes them so I don't have to worry about open bags going stale.

Ok, enough of that.  Back to the review ...

They did have a good amount of chicken flavor, along with a sweet touch and maybe a hint of ... banana? There was an odd, almost plastic aftertaste though that (upon much painful thinking) was reminiscent of cheap Chinese food.

On the whole, I suppose it was a fairly accurate reproduction of General Tso's Chicken. Not from a restaurant I'd go back to often though.

Rating: 2/5

Just In Queso

Kettle Brand Krinkle Cut Spicy Queso

I tried Lay's Southwestern Queso last year and they turned out to be pretty good, so that kind of cranked up the expectations when I found these at the local Kroger.

One moment for a brief digression:  Note the cut off top of the package because of Kettle Brand's evil "easy-open" notch documented in the post for their Chile Verde chips.  Hello, Snyder-Lance?  Are you listening?  Cease your evil ways immediately!  A curse upon your head of packaging!

Now that I have that out of the way, on to the quest for the queso!

These chips had a reasonably pleasant scent of smoked paprika and cheese. I said "reasonably" because they also smelled a bit ... musty?

The chips were dusted with a slight amount of yellow and brown powder, with little green flecks. As typical with kettle chips, they're also pretty greasy.

The flavor wasn't bad, with a smokey taste and mild amount of spiciness. They didn't have much cheese flavor, except for an odd aftertaste that was almost bad parmesan.  On the whole these chips weren't bad, but they were kind of boring.

Rating: 3/5

Eenie Meenie Pepperoncini

Kettle Brand Pepperoncini

I've got a strange love/hate relationship with pepperoncini. Most of the time I really like them but every now and then I get one that tastes just a little too ... green?  I'm not sure what the disliked flavor is, really, though it's really strong in bell peppers and I sometimes taste it in green beans.

All of that is pretty tangential though because we're talking about potato chips here, so I'll get on with it.

I picked these up at the local Kroger. It turns out my store has a surprisingly large selection of chips - including more varieties of Kettle Brand than they even list on their website. Coincidence? Or are they aware of my compulsion?

The scent of these chips is pretty light. I only got a slight vinegar smell that was close to what I would expect from dill pickle chips.

The chips had a moderate amount of powder on them, with a color that made them look almost dirty. They also had that kettle-chip greasiness.

For flavor they had a good pepperoncini taste with a light hint of garlic. After eating a few they seemed to be a cross between garlic pickle and sour cream and onion dip. Not bad, but not fantastic either. Then again, I'm not really sure what I was expecting from them.

Rating: 3/5

Honey Chipotle Don't Care

Lay's Kettle Cooked Honey Chipotle

I have to admit that the fact that the flavor has the word "honey" in the name made me hesitant to buy it. I kept remembering back to the dreaded Cappuccino chips and freezing in terror. Still, it's all for science, or at least all three of my dedicated readers, so I lied to myself and bought a bag.

The scent on opening the bag was actually pretty good. They smelled honey sweet with pepper undertones. The chips had a light dusting of red-brown powder and the slightly greasy sheen I now associate with kettle chips.

Celeste tasted them first and said, "Be ready. The flavor comes at you really fast."

She was right. The taste was a mildly spicy zing quickly followed by a strong honey note.

My initial reaction was, "Huh."

Cindy tried one and said, "Huh."

They're not horrible, but I think they're a bit too sweet.

Rating: 2/5