Doesn't Stack Up

Lay's Stax Buffalo Wings with Ranch

This was the first time I tried Lay's Stax chips. I like Pringles (much to Cindy's bafflement), and Lay's has done pretty well with other flavors, so I figured these would be worth a try.

I would like to note that I prefer the Pringles packaging. The plastic canister that Stax comes in makes them seem even farther from being actual food. That being said, I didn't take the packaging into account for the rating below. It's all about the actual chips, don't'cha know.

On opening the top of the canister I was greeted by a pretty good buffalo scent. Wait ... having seen actual live buffalo that doesn't sound right. I mean they (the chips, not the buffalo) smelled reasonably like buffalo sauce ... which isn't sauce made by or put on buffalo ... but I think maybe the sauce originated in Buffalo, New York or something.

Anyways, I dumped out a few of the chips and the first thing I noticed is that they're not shaped like Pringles. Stax are curved like they were made on the outside of a cylinder, whereas Pringles are shaped like a hyperbolic paraboloid.

The chips also had a heavy coating of orange-red powder ... but only on one side. I've read that Pringles are also only coated on one side, but somehow this seemed more pronounced. Weird.

As for taste, I got a solid sour cream and ranch flavor and a burst of heat. Surprisingly though there wasn't much in the way of buffalo flavor. I was expecting a bit of vinegar and such that just wasn't there.

Cindy turned up her nose at them.

On the whole, I thought they were ok. However the Pringles Buffalo Ranch is better.

Rating: 3/5

Fatal Maple

Kettle Brand Maple Bacon

Let me say this up front: I'm one of those sorts who doesn't like it when the maple syrup from my pancakes gets on the breakfast meats. I know other folks like maple-flavored sausage and such, and to me that seems really weird. Now add in the fact that I really don't care for really strong or artificial maple flavors and you can understand why I would approach these chips with caution.

Oh, you know those doughnuts with the maple icing and the slice of bacon on top? They're an abomination - spoiling not only perfectly good bacon but wasting a whole freakin' doughnut as well!

Ah ... sorry, kind of got off on a tangent there.

So I opened the bag of chips, taking care to avoid Kettle Brand's patented Evil-Bag-Ruining-Notch™, and cautiously gave a sniff.  Nothing but a light fragrance of smoked bacon. Really that was quite encouraging. I like bacon, especially if it's not overdone, and there wasn't even a hint of maple.

The chips had a light amount of brown/beige powder that didn't smell of maple either.

On tasting ... well they weren't awful. They were slightly sweet with a very light amount of maple flavoring. I'd eat a chip and say, "Huh." Then I'd try another. I think I went through a small handful that way, not really loving the chips but not hating them either.

The family ate the rest of the bag. Cindy's only complaint was that she doesn't like sweet chips so much, though these weren't too bad. I figure they weren't as bad as the dreaded Cappuccino chips, but they're not something I would crave either.

Rating: 2/5 (Your mileage may vary)

BBBQ

Kettle Brand Bourbon BBQ

Another bag of chips from the impressive selection of Kettle Brand chips at the local Kroger. Given that I tend to like barbecue chips, I had moderately high hopes for these.

The packaging included Kettle Brand's patented Evil-Bag-Ruining-Notch™, but I defeated their fiendish plan by cutting off the top of the bag with scissors. Hah! Making the world safe for chip-clips, one bag at a time!

The scent of these chips was surprisingly low key. There was a bit of barbecue smell but mostly it was just ... potato chip. That's almost as exciting as smelling steamed rice.

The chips themselves were coated with a moderate amount of red-brown powder. Really the amount wasn't out of line for barbecue chips. Any less powder and I'd have started to wonder of the flavor machine was running empty.

In terms of taste there wasn't much of a surprise either. There was a reasonable barbecue flavor with a bit of an odd bite to them - maybe that's supposed to be the bourbon? Whatever it was, it made the chips slightly bitter. There was also a very mild, unpleasant aftertaste that frankly reminded me of throwing up. I probably wouldn't have noticed it though if I hadn't been paying attention.

Cindy liked them but thought they were a bit too sweet.

Rating: 3/5

Blasé Blaze

Doritos Blaze

This is one of those cases where I went ahead and tried the chips even though I expected them to be too spicy. I was not disappointed.

On opening the bag I was greeted by a strong scent of chili powder, with notes of curry. In some ways this was encouraging - it raises the possibility that there's some flavor there other than just "hot".

Powder. These things had some serious powder on them. That's not too surprising for Doritos, I suppose, but there was enough brick-red spice powder here to season a major metropolitan area. Be prepared to wash your hands ... and clothes ... and carpeting ... etc.

So after making the above observations, I steeled myself and ate one. First there was the taste of chili peppers with just a touch of lime and a moderate amount of heat. This was followed by an afterburn suitable to a Falcon 9 rocket. At the end I was left with a slight aftertaste of seared tastebuds.

Cindy said these are the chips to give to your friends who say nothing is ever hot enough. They still won't be hot enough for them, but those guys won't notice how boring the actual taste is.

In summary, they're spicy but there's not enough actual flavor to be worth it.

Rating: 2/5

Un-Thai-ed

Kettle Brand Fiery Thai

The local Kroger has got to be on to me - they stock more flavors of Kettle Brand chips than anywhere else I've been. Not that I'm complaining.

I like Thai food. I like spicy food (to a point). These sounded like an excellent idea. Not to sure about the almond oil thing though. What's up with that?

Before I continue with the review, I'd like to take a moment to call attention to something:

See that?  Cindy got to this bag of chips before I could take a photo, and she opened them using Kettle Brand's patented Evil-Bag-Ruining-Notch™.  There was no way to effectively apply a chip clip to the bag so we were forced to eat the whole thing. You listening, Kettle Brand?  I'm on to you and your fiendish plot!

Ahem. So ... review, right!

The chips had a kind of fruity scent with herbal notes, which honestly made me a bit nervous after the experience with those Froot-Loop chips. Nevertheless, once started we will not be deterred.

There was a moderate amount of beige powder on the chips. Being the same color as the chip it tended to blend in, so they added a lot of green flecks to make it more obvious ... and maybe to suggest spicy Thai?

The flavor was mostly sort of onion-y. There was also a mild amount of spice that built up to a decent afterburn.

On the whole they didn't seem very Thai to me, but they were still very tasty. I wonder if the fruity aspect of the scent came from the frying in almond oil.

Rating: 4/5

Lotza Mozzarella

Ruffles Mozzarella 'N Marinara

I found these at the local Kroger, right next to the Flame-Grilled Cheeseburger and All Dressed Ruffles. Given how iffy pizza-flavored stuff can be, I wasn't sure what to expect - but hey, it's for science, right?

On opening the bag I was greeted by a light scent that was kind of tomato-y, along with a vague sort of pizza-dough smell ... maybe that's supposed to be the breading on the mozzarella? No idea.

Anyways, the chips were coated with a slight amount of flavor powder - mostly light orange but there were some green flecks in there too.

The surprising part was the flavor ... surprising in that it wasn't all that impressive. Mostly they tasted like typical sour cream and onion chips, with a little bit of tomato flavor and just a hint of herbs. On the whole they weren't bad, but they weren't amazing either.

On the flip side, they didn't taste like horrible-fake-pizza-flavor-things, so I guess that's a point in their favor.

Rating: 3/5

I've Got a Beef with Tayto

Tayto Beef & Onion

Tayto's track record on this blog is pretty mixed, but I keep finding new flavors at Jungle Jim's, and (despite what is says) the bags are small, so I keep buying and trying them.

So, in the spirit of intrepid discovery, I opened the Amazing Big Bag of Beef & Onion!

 

The chips had a distinct scent of soy sauce, along with notes of yeast and old tennis shoes. This was not quite what I was expecting. 

They had a moderate amount of flavor powder, but it was hard to see because it was the exact same color as the chips. Really that's kind of impressive. It's like a magic trick: no powder on the chips and, PRESTO! There's stuff all over your fingers! Another impressive trick is that these chips were as greasy as kettle chips usually are.

All of that and I haven't even got to how they tasted.

Not good. They tasted exactly like cheap beef bouillon cubes.

 

Rating: 2/5